Have You Not Asked Others Their Story? (Job 20-21)

Please see the first post on Job (click HERE) for how I am approaching Job and for an important caveat.

This post is a little longer than normal because this quiet time in Job blessed my heart to the fullest! I could’ve typed forever from meditating on just a few words.

Zophar: Defining the wicked

Zophar feels insulted by what Job has been saying (20:3). Zophar states that since the beginning of humanity, God has judged the wicked. Then Zophar gives examples of what the wicked are like:

¹⁹ For he has crushed and abandoned the poor;
    he has seized a house that he did not build.
²⁰ “Because he knew no contentment in his belly,
    he will not let anything in which he delights escape him. (20:19-20)

Though Job’s friends have concluded that Job must have done something wicked (this is the story they have told themselves), we really haven’t heard them define the wicked. Zophar’s description of a wicked person is someone who has:

1. neglected and/or oppressed the poor
2. an actionable, unquenchable greed

There’s truth in this. In Proverbs, it says:

Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. (Proverbs 14:21)

Do not rob the poor, because he is poor, or crush the afflicted at the gate, for the Lord will plead their cause and rob of life those who rob them.
(‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22‬:‭22‬-‭23‬)

Over and over in the Scriptures, God identifies with the poor. See also Matthew 25:31-46.

The unquenchable greed made me think of the story of David and Bathsheba. Nathan tells David a parable about a rich man who takes a poor man’s only lamb. David is so enraged by the injustice that he proclaims the man should die. Nathan asserts, “You are the man!”

Unfortunately, Zophar is alluding that Job might be guilty of these since Job’s suffering is so great. In other words, Job’s “punishment” is so extensive that he must’ve done something worthy of this type of wrath from God, such as oppressing the poor.

Job: Ask about and accept the stories of others

Job pleas, as he has before:

³ Bear with me, and I will speak,
    and after I have spoken, mock on.
(21:3)

I’m amazed Job continues to ask his friends, “Please bear with me, just listen to what I have to say.” Someone who is working through trauma longs to be heard. As I quoted Bessel van der Kolk in the last post, safe relationships are essential for healing. Job is longing for that connection with a safe friend.

This brings me to one of the the most profound questions Job has asked thus far:

²⁹ Have you not asked those who travel the roads,
    and do you not accept their testimony
³⁰ that the evil man is spared in the day of calamity,
    that he is rescued in the day of wrath? (21:29-30)

Part 1: Have you not asked those who travel the roads?

What an incredible question! Job is asking his friends, “Have you never asked others about their stories? There are others who have experienced my pain and injustice.”

Sisters, I have talked with many women and it’s a traumatic world. It’s not if we will experience trauma, but it’s when and to what degree will the trauma impact us (which is based on a myriad of factors). Have you not asked women about their families of origin? Have you never heard their stories of physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, sexual abuse in their childhood and/or adulthood? Have you not asked a sister of color what it is like to be her? Have you not asked a sister what is really going on in her marriage? Have you not asked a woman her story of wounding, loss, grief, and about the scars she carries? Have you not asked yourself what wounds you carry that still impact you today?

I think there’s multiple reasons we don’t ask, such as:

1. We ourselves have unaddressed past trauma
2. If we have unaddressed trauma, we will be incapable of providing empathy to others (trauma impacts parts of our brains needed to empathize)
3. Discomfort of sitting with women in their pain
4. Avoidance (ignorance is bliss)
5. Feeling shame
6. We operate in an echo chamber
7. Women perceive us as unsafe so they don’t tell
8. We have a reductionistic gospel
9. And more

But Job’s question has a second half . . .

Part 2: Do you not accept their testimony?

Job is asking, “Do you also dismiss the testimony of others who are saying the same thing as me?” (Note: not testimony as in “my Jesus story”, think more along the lines of a witness to a crime providing a testimony in court.)

What stories are you hearing that you dismiss? What “testimonies” do you not accept? Are you quick to dismiss testimonies of harm? Are you quick to dismiss the impact of traumatic experiences, whether the harm happened yesterday, a year ago, 20 years ago, or more? What testimonies of wounding in your own life do you dismiss?

I’ll give two examples, with reasons why they might be dismissed by others:

1. People dismissing (not accepting) their own childhood wounds and/or the childhood wounds of others.
   • It happened long ago, it doesn’t bother me anymore
   • It wasn’t that big of a deal
   • Other people had it much worse
   • At least I had a roof over my head and food to eat, I should be grateful
   • I was complicit
   • It was my fault, I was a tough child
   • I was too sensitive
   • At least I was never [fill in blank]
2. People in the church dismissing (not accepting) the stories of harm people of color experienced and are still experiencing today;
   • People are just using the race card
   • Systematic injustice doesn’t exist
   • Racism doesn’t exist, people use it as a way to keep people in a state of victimhood
   • Can’t we move on? Things are so much better than they were
   • Why are we still talking about this?
   • If we stopped talking about race, racism would go away

[If I’m honest, even as I write the examples, I can feel my heart beat increase and my chest tighten, wondering how these will be received. My brain races through all kinds of scenarios based on past experiences and conversations. The sensations in our bodies are often clues to the past. What might you be feeling in your body right now?]

Do we see Job’s friends in ourselves yet? The madness of trauma is amplified by people ignoring or dismissing the trauma, our own or others’. Dan Allender says this, “What I’m saying as a trauma theorist is that the unaddressed trauma in an individual, in a family, let alone a culture, will always come due. You don’t escape what the body materializes in the middle of heartache.”

Sisters, take courage. Take courage to ask yourself about your own story. Take courage to ask someone else her story. Be curious without presumption. I plead with you to keep these two questions in your mind, for yourself and as you engage the complex stories of others.

Have you not asked?

And do you not accept their testimony?

For further reflection, I encourage you to listen to the following resources that speak directly to the two examples I used above:

1. The Place We Find Ourselves: Why your family of origin impacts your life more than anything else
2. The Place We Find Ourselves: Attachment: What it is and why it matters so much
3. The Place We Find Ourselves: Racial Trauma: What’s Going On? Part 1
4. The Place We Find Ourselves: Racial Trauma: What’s Going On? Part 2

If you want a place to start your own story work, consider exploring resources and online courses offered by The Allender Center.