If you haven’t read the first post, I encourage you to read that first (click HERE) as it explains my approach to reading Job during my quiet times.
[Warning: heavy topics ahead. As you read, if you feel yourself becoming triggered or overwhelmed, please do not keep reading. If this brings up wounds in your life, please seek help from a trusted friend, mental health counselor, etc.]
Eliphaz Speaks (Job 4-5)
After Job finally spoke (chapter 3), Eliphaz responds to Job and provides his advice. It’s immediately cringy and I internally bristle at his opening words. One of the first things he says is, “You have helped so many people in their times of turmoil. Yet, trouble comes to you and you’re falling apart into despair! Where is your confidence and hope now that the tables are turned?” Dang. How’s that for an opening?!
Three other things that Eliphaz says that stood out to me (paraphrased in my own words):
- In my experience . . .
- God told me . . .
- If I was you . . .
Job just said that he is in misery; that only trouble comes his way. Then Eliphaz responds with: “In my experience, the innocent don’t experience calamity.” Instead of hearing Job’s story as authentic and real, Eliphaz shares his world view, which has been shaped by his own life experiences. These experiences are limited; he is forming his conclusion based only on the stories of people he has access to. The story Eliphaz is telling himself about Job is: I have never seen an innocent person reap trouble. Therefore, Job must not be innocent. Eliphaz develops an overly simplistic and reductionistic conclusion of Job’s experience.
Have you ever told yourself a quick, simple, reductionistic story about someone in turmoil? What story does your mind quickly tell you when you think of someone who is homeless, someone living in poverty/slums, someone in the fight against addiction, someone who has a child living for the world, or someone going through a difficult marriage or divorce?
It is so easy for us to draw on our own limited experiences to shape stories we tell ourselves about others. Our brains are lightning fast (which is incredible!), but that’s not so great in building empathy and listening to someone else’s real experience that breaks a part our world view.
After Eliphaz tells Job his world view, he tries to make his claim more legitimate by saying God spoke to him in a vision. Again, Eliphaz is correcting Job based on his own personal experience. He reinforces his argument by sharing his vision. I’m not saying we cannot learn from dreams, visions, etc. others have been given by God. But perhaps using these to correct a person who is in the chaos of trauma may not be the best time or place for this type of sharing.
The last thing that stood out to me from Eliphaz was this (paraphrasing in my own words):
“If I was you Job, I would turn back to God.
Yikes. Another bristle. IF I WAS YOU. . . Again, this is not the time for this type of advice while someone is in trauma. There are decisions we might take to trusted friends, a mentor, etc. for advice (Proverbs 15:22). We might even ask, “If you were me, what would you do in such and such situation?” However, when trauma hits, a person can barely get out of bed in the morning. If we haven’t experienced that particular traumatic event, then we have no idea what we would actually do. Personally, I have eaten my words (albeit my internal words) on this. Is anyone else with me on that?
Therefore, let us learn from Eliphaz. When someone has just spoken those first precious words, trying to put words to trauma: Let us listen to her pain and her story. Let us validate her feelings. Let us refrain from advice during that time of grief and processing. (Exceptions apply – e.g. if someone is thinking of hurting herself or others)
Maybe Eliphaz could’ve opened with something like this, “Job, I can’t imagine the pain, suffering, and grief you are experiencing. From what I heard you say, this is completely unbearable and you sense God has been cruel to you. I would like to be here with you for whatever you need during this time and I will be here to listen. How can I continue to support you?”
As the layers are peeled back, as the effects of trauma begin to heal, then the brain is ready for further conversation. When we allow someone to feel safe in our presence, her brain, heart, and body can begin to calm.
Job’s Response (Job 6)
Job doesn’t directly respond to Eliphaz right away. Job explains that the weight of his calamity is unfathomable. Job’s trauma is exponentially heavy. The pain is crushing him. What is going on? In trauma, heart rate and breathing rapidly increase. The chest may feel tight, as if there is something sitting on top of the chest. Therefore, to say his calamity is a crushing weight provides us a clue that he may be experiencing these physiological reactions.
Another physical parallel he uses for his experience: God has shot poisonous arrows into his body. Since we are told in chapter two that he is plagued with loathsome sores, this could be what those sores feel like – poison. However, he is also telling us his story about God – God doesn’t just cause pain, He causes torture (cross reference Lamentations 3:12-13).
At the end of this chapter (which is only half of Job’s response to Eliphaz), Job addresses his friend. He implores him, “Please believe me Eliphaz. I’m telling the truth.” Job wants his friends to truly hear and listen to his lived experience.
To be continued for Job’s other half. ..
Tim Keller gave a great message on Job’s friends during a series he gave on Job. Click HERE to listen to his message titled “Miserable Comforters.”
By the River Together 